Wednesday, October 28, 2009

My Passport is Open-Minded, Damnit!

After Tuesday's post of bitching about an upcoming trip to somewhere below the equator, I need to make clear one very important point.

I am not a destination snob. Honest! I'm not a homebody who sits all day watching the Travel Channel and armchairing judgments about far away places around the world - from the comfort of my overstuffed La-Z-Boy. I love to explore! Anywhere! I've even gone (sort of willingly) onto the Yukon River several times, so puh-leeze, do not mistake me for a 5-star - where's my pillow mint? - sissy, umkay? I like to be off the beaten path and miles away from the nearest tour bus. It's just that on my 'Places to See Before Somebody Shoots Me' list, South America is sleeping peacefully under a few dozen other snoozers. (It's the language thing.)

Now granted, I am fully aware that the people of South America totally rock the Casbah. I have many friends who travel there often and the South Americans have a great rep for being kind and caring. Even to North Americans! So I am definitely looking forward to meeting the wonderful people there. But on this journey, after landing in Lima, we will be no where near the big cities. While I'm aware that English is common around the world, I need to be prepared for small villages (where hopefully we won't look like food -kidding!) and the possibility that nobody can - or cares - to speak English. And beyond meeting the people, yes, there are lots of areas in Peru (Machu Pichu - duh), Bolivia (The Death Road - yeah!), Brazil (um, Rio - hellllo!), etc., that I would love to see. It's just that I don't want to see them now. I want to see them later.

You see, currently I am simply more open to concerns of whether there is any white wine handy to remove the red wine that I just spilled on my pants (yeah, it works!) than I am to what species of bug is stuck squirming in my sweat. Ehhhhk! How do you say yuck in Spanish!? Oh, yeah... ¡Yuck!

Call me crazy but the idea of extreme heat and unidentifiable flying/crawling/swimming things THAT DO NOT SPEAK MY LANGUAGE is not floatin' my boat just now. Though I'm working hard to get over it. Perhaps after I learn more from my new BFF, Rosetta, I'll be better prepared to scream, "WTF is that?!" in Spanish - and understand the answer. Once I am comfortable with everyday phrases such as, "Did you mean to go this way?", "Is there something in my hair?", and "Where is the hospital?", then my back pack will be stuffed (with bug spray and band-aids) and I'll be ready to go.

But until that time (which, hopefully will arrive before January), let me remind you that I AM LAZY. So naturally I'm dreaming of the U.K. and other places where some form of English is the primary language. Oh, and where spiders with fur don't live.

Thanks for reading! Have a great day!


Danica Dragonfly said...

Eeesh ... I am all about being well traveled ... but there's a clause in my contract somewhere that says in plain ENGLISH - NO BUGS!!!


f8hasit said...

I feel ya on the bug issue...
Coincidentally, I'm doing the Rosetta thing as well. I refuse to have someone else order food for me any longer whilst on vacation.

But I guess you actually have to USE IT to learn it. One day when I have time.

Mark Price said...

I see you are still whining about your trip. Lemme see now...Travelling to far off places sux because..
1, (extra whiney voice) "They don't speak my language too good!"

2, (even whineyer voice) "There might be buuuuugs!"


Hey I see you still have word word is "coronve"
which I am pretty sure means "what a baby" in Spanish!
Great post by the way. If I didn't love you I probably would be nicer, or maybe not. HUGS SISTAH FRENN!

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

Danica - ikr? But I'm starting to feel like f8hasit, I wanna order my own food... plus I'll be able to understand what my neighbors are saying when they think I can't! teeheehee Thanks Danica!

f8hasit - see? I'm with you. Which language are you learning? My girlfriend has now aced French, Italian and Russian with Rosie's help. Of course she is smarter than a fifth grader (the jury's still out on me.)
I'm seeing a shrink for the bug thing...
Thanks for commenting!

I just love that you are so funny at my expense.

Now let's just hope (because we wouldn't want for you to feel guilty) that I am not eaten by the river or otherwise never heard from again. ((*0*))
***SUGGESTION for MARK ONLY: Find an old video copy of 'Cannibal Holocaust'.

Kathryn said...

Okay...I'm still laughing over the line about having something in your hair and "where is the nearest hospital?"

How about this: "Is this bug going to kill me?"

and "My kingdom for a Hyatt Regency, a junior mint and some double-ply toilet paper"

You're very brave.

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

Kathryn, there's another word that we, in my family, often use in place of "brave".
It's "stupid".